When we unexpectedly say goodbye

I knew something was wrong. I started spotting 2 days ago. Suddenly, I started bleeding. It was Sunday afternoon. I was in pain. My partner had just arrived home. I rushed him to take me to the hospital. But it was too late. I felt it. I had lost my baby.

Around 80 percent of miscarriages occur in the first trimester. For most women by 14 weeks their chance of a miscarriage is less than 1 percent. I was finishing week 11, waiting for few more days to tell the world I was expecting. But this time it as me, building of that 80 percent.

I felt empty. I was already missing my baby: her energy, talking to her. I loved her already and I still do.

I felt alone. I did not tell yet anyone at work. Therefore I had to carry on working, suffering silent pain. For the OBG/GYN was not strange: 50 percent of women have miscarriages during the first trimester. Maybe! But I was devastated! Why no one talks about it? Why we do not share our pain?

Only after losing my baby, some very close friends started sharing with me their experiences, but always behind closed doors, only in private, like the most precious secret. For some was a lost, for others a relief, for many, a failure or a shame on their bodies.

I felt scared. Will this happen again? We need to speak up. We need to share miscarriages are common and natural. We must expose this pain and help each other. Because It takes time, it requires mourning and introspection. Especially, it demands support and loads of love from our loved ones.

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