When things get hard at work

My peer team leader had turned into a brutal bully. The disrespect and dismissive behavior directed toward me and my team became aggressive and public. Her direct reports fear her. My team avoided her. There was tension everywhere; when we were in the same room, when we crossed in the corridor or when she pretended not to see me in the canteen. When my colleague described what we were going through as workplace mobbing, I realized how bad the situation had turned. It was not acceptable anymore. I reported it to our manager and Human Resources. Then, things got even worse.

After our common manager talked to her about my feedback, she came directly to my office. She threatened me. She accused me to betray her. She used words that I should have recorded, but my mind went blank.  I did have never faced a confrontation like that one before. I could not believe what she was saying: mostly manipulated facts, lies, harsh words. All without looking into my eyes. I could not react. She left the office.

I still, probably stupidly, desired to solve the situation. I wanted my team to enjoy their job again. Therefore, I agreed on having a team-building with both teams, as a suggestion from our manager. Despite we hired an external expert facilitator, the meeting was a disaster. Only one-third of her direct reports attended; the rest found excuses not to be there. All my team was there as a sign of commitment to start over together. That was not all. That leader disregarded all the work my team was doing; only defending her team’s work. I could not ever have imagined a team leader talking as she did. The facilitator was astonished too. She attacked me in front of everyone. I did not react, on purpose. I stayed still. I would not go there and behave like her. There was silence after her words. The facilitator briefed HR and I hope someone would come back to me.

At night, all would come back, the last conversations, the last months of trying to ignore how much her behavior was hurting me. Her words were like swords, that keep hurting, and hurting and hurting until the bound is so profound that it is hard to stand up again.

The team was very much affected by the situation. Those 2 teams were supposed to work together: capabilities are complementary and necessary. Now it became a competition. They worked with fear of making mistakes, fear of punishment by that leader. I tried to stay strong for my team, be there for them, listen to them and protect them.

I realized I needed help too. There were too many nights without sleep. I called my GP. It was the first time in my life I had to take anti-depressants. And I have to admit, they were helping. I decided to take sick leave and get some counseling. I pretended for too long all was fine to protect and support my team.

In the end, there was a reorganization in the company and the teams split. That might be a way to solve the situation, but it is the best one? What would you have done? What would you do?